In Loving Memory of Brenda Heesaker

Brenda Heesaker, born on October 6, 1934 in Stockport, England, whose life example was that of selflessness and devotion to family, passed away the morning of April 16, 2024.  She was 89 years old.

She is now one with the everlasting light, with God, her life the personification of Matthew, Chapter 5, verse 16, "... let your light shine before others so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." While we will all miss year dearly, we take comfort that she can now embrace family members who preceded her in death, her dear mother, who Brenda said was the "kindest woman you'd ever meet," her brother Fred, her sister Dorothy and her husband of 63 years, Gerald John Heesaker.

The roles of wife, mother and grandmother defined Brenda Heesaker's life. She dedicated her life to providing love and support to her husband and her five children - Gary, Paul, Mark, Craig and Doris. She was the family port in a storm, their shoulder to lean upon, and if truth be told, the children's court of appeals when their father's judgement seemed too harsh.

She met her future husband Gerald (Jerry) during the Christmas season of 1952, when she was 18 years old and he was a 21 year old enlistee in the United States Air Force. Jerry was on leave from his base in occupied Germany and traveled to England. A beautiful English woman caught his attention. He summed up the courage to ask Brenda if she'd accompany him for a movie. Apparently the date went quite well.  Several months later Jerry showed up at Brenda's home on 33 River Street, Stockport, England. He knocked on the door and Brenda's mother answered. She called out to Brenda, "There's a young American GI at our door and he's asking for you."

Their courtship involved more visits over the next year, included movies, dancing and walks. They were engaged in December, 1953. Brenda recalls that her mother's initial response was not to believe her. Her father said that he would not give consent. Nevertheless, their wedding day was just another year later on December 3, 1954, and even decades later, Brenda wrote, "It was the smartest thing I ever did. I'm still in love after all these years."

When Jerry finished his Air Force service, he traveled with Brenda to the United States, where they were married on December 3, 1954, in his parents' home in Terra Haute, Indiana. Jerry secured employment with the Federal Department of Justice, Bureau of Prisons. The newlywed couple lived with Jerry's parents for five years, and just to keep the record straight, Brenda later wrote, "My best memory is of the day we moved out to our own apartment above a grocery store."

Brenda and Jerry became parents for the first time in September 1956, with the birth of Gary, their first of four sons. Paul was born in July 1958, and two years later, Jerry applied for a promotion and was transferred to the Federal Correctional Institution in Sandstone, Minnesota. Three more children would follow, Mark born in February 1961, Craig in January 1963, and finally, a baby girl, Doris born in June 1965.

One can only imagine the culture shock that Brenda underwent in just a handful of years. She went from being a young woman in an industrial city in northern England, to leaving her family and friends behind for a new country, a rural home and marriage to an American. By age 30, she was the mother of five children, ages nine, seven, four, two and a newborn.

The Heesaker family lived in Sandstone Minnesota for next sixteen years, and through all the travails of raising a family in a new country, Brenda persisted as a devoted and loving mother and wife. She became an American citizen. She went on fishing trips, sledded Meters Hill in below zero temperatures, roused teenagers to get to school on time and endured all the often thankless chores of being a stay at home mother. She attended countless sporting and other school events. She made the meals, cleaned the house, did the laundry, wrapped Christmas presents, celebrated birthdays and planned family vacations to a rented cabin on White Iron Lake. She even designed two winning entries in the town Kiddie Parade. Paul and Gary were dressed as sailors on JFK's World War II boat, PT-109. Years later, it was Mark, Craig and Doris, but a different boat theme, a steamboat named the Kettle River Queen.

When Jerry gained a career promotion in 1976, the Heesakers left Sandstone and traveled to Safford, Arizona. Gary joined the Navy and worked aboard nuclear powered submarines, then at a nuclear power plant. Paul went to college and followed separate career paths in adventure travel and education. Mark and Craig graduated from high school in Arizona, but Jerry and Brenda had promised Doris that they would return to Sandstone so that she graduate from high school there. They fulfilled that promise when Jerry retired from the Bureau of Prisons and returned to make their home in Sandstone once again.

Brenda and Jerry became empty nesters. Mark had established his own logging business while Craig following his Dad's example and enlisted in the Air Force. Doris became a registered nurse.

While Brenda and Jerry enjoyed the Sandstone area a great deal, especially the nearby Kettle River and trips to Duluth's harbor, some of their most cherished memories were built through friendships at the local Senior Center. Jerry and Brenda also became travelers, especially when Jerry had time off from his second career at the Moose Lake State Hospital. They went back to Brenda's roots and made several trips to England. Travels also took them to visits with their adult children, including Illinois, Colorado and Ely, Minnesota.

Ten grandchildren became another center of their lives, often demanding as much time and attention as raising their own children. Grandchildren included Brian, Erica, Amanda, Jeremiah, Michelle, Christina, Sophia, Bobbie, Zachary and Matthew. We might call it Parenthood, Part II, for the time, resources and heart Brenda and Jerry poured into their grandchildren.

The last Heesaker reunion came in July 2021, when Doris called her brothers to tell them that their father was not well. Paul arrived from Colorado, Gary from Tennessee and Mark from Ely, Minnesota. Grandchildren and great grandchildren came to lend their support. Despite a resilient spirit, Jerry passed away on August 6, 2021, just days after his ninetieth birthday. A short time later, Brenda was diagnosed with Lewy body dementia. Within the year, she moved to be near her daughter Doris.

While Brenda's friends, children and grandchildren will always hold her dear in their hearts, Brenda also left behind written thoughts in a "Grandmother Remembers" journal. The excerpts below recount experiences during World War II and the post war years.

"I'm going to use these pages to tell you about my life as a young girl growing up during World War II. I was born in 1934 and war broke out for Great Britain in 1939. I was five years old, so my young life was greatly changed due to this terrible war.

One of my most vivid memories of the war is of the time when walking home with my mother and brother from visiting a relative. An air raid had been sounded, but it seemed quiet, so Mom decided we could make it home. Half way home, the German planes started bombing. Mother pushed my brother and I to the ground and laid her body over us to protect us. A large bomb hit a department store close to us. Bricks and debris flew all around us. Fortunately for us, the bomb did not explode. The weight of the bomb brought down the wall of the building. Had the bomb exploded, we would have all been blown to kingdom come as the saying goes.

I stood and watched the British fighter planes attack the German bombers. The sky was lit up like daylight by the search lights. Tracer bullets were going across the sky like giant stitches. The sky over the city was like a sunset, glowing red from all the fires started by bombs.

My mother showed no fear. She informed the warden who came over to check on us, that we were fine. Mother took us by the hand and we walked the rest of the way home. All through the war years, my mother was solid as a rock. Never once did she express fear, though I'm sure there had to be many anxious moments.

I went to work when I was fifteen and held several different jobs. The first job I held was that of shop assistant in a very upscale jewelry shop. I worked five and a half days a week, with one evening until eight. It was a 48 hour work week, and for this, I was paid the grand total of 21 shillings. That was about two dollars. I really thought I was rich when I had a job paying six pounds a week. All my wages had to be given to my mother. She gave me a very small amount of spending money.

My wish for the future is that all of you will find a life that brings you peace of mind and a happy heart. This does not mean money and material things. Life's path has many twists and turns and my hope is that you all find a friend you can count on, a friend to laugh with or maybe cry with, a hand to hold when you feel lost."

Arrangements by Methven Funeral and Cremation Services of Sandstone, MN.